


Revelation

by EllieRose101



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Episode Fix-it, Episode: s06e10 Wrecked, F/M, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29127966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieRose101/pseuds/EllieRose101
Summary: An AU in which Buffy’s post-sex-with-Spike horror takes a wildly different slant.
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by TheSigyn. Rated for adult language (mild use of swearing and mentions of sex).

One Shot

Buffy couldn’t think straight. She’d spent all the hours since daybreak when she’d ran away from Spike in that abandoned building trying to figure a way out of the sudden, giant mental hole she’d landed herself in, but no part of what she was trying to process fit inside her head.

So, she resigned herself, there was only one thing for it. She pushed open the door to Spike’s crypt with fear and trepidation warring in her gut, and walked inside.

Spike looked up from a paperback she vaguely recognized. “Well, well, well, come back for round two, have you?”

“Shut up.”

He set down his book and sighed. “Already off to a good start, I see. Why don’t you–”

“No,” said Buffy. “Shut up, _please_.”

Spike paused, his head tilting to the side. “What happened?”

Buffy wrung her hands. “Everything. Nothing.”

Spike’s eyes went a little wide, like her terror had reached and infected him. He got up and started moving things around. “Here, take a seat.”

Buffy sat––for all of two seconds, but then she was up again. Pacing.

“Buffy, love?” Spike sounded genuinely scared. Which struck Buffy as kinda sweet, actually. She forced herself to take a breath.

“You told me before that if I ever needed anything, you’d help me, right?”

“Sure,” he said, not missing a beat.

“Okay, good.” She’d reached the edge of the crypt and turned back to look at him. “I need to talk and you need to listen. Nothing in my head makes sense, but I need to get it out, okay?”

“Okay, Buffy. Whatever you need.” Spike sounded so serious and it sent everything roiling in Buffy’s stomach into overdrive. It took all of her concentration just to find a place to start.

“We slept together last night,” she said plainly.

“We did,” affirmed Spike, and even though it was only two words, he infused them with so much feeling it sent her head spinning faster than ever before. 

Buffy held up a hand. “No input from you yet.”

He narrowed his eyes but closed his mouth. _So far so good._

“We slept together, and it changed things,” Buffy continued.

And because Spike of course couldn’t help himself, he interjected. “Bloody well told you that, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“And then you all but kicked me in the head and ran out. Even though I was right nice about it.”

“I know, I know, I just–” She shook her head. “This is already going off the rails. Just let me word vomit, will you?”

Spike held up his hands in a surrender motion and sat back on the sarcophagus in the middle of the room. He was watching her intently, with those clear blue eyes of his, lit up with everything he was feeling, and it was making the thinking thing harder––making Buffy’s heart beat faster and breathing come harsher––but she figured she couldn’t very well tell him to close his eyes _and_ keep his mouth shut.

She closed her own eyes and tried to steady her breath again. “I’m sorry I ran out so fast. I kind of freaked,” she admitted. And even though she had her eyes closed, she knew Spike well enough to tell he was staring incredulously at her for apologizing. “While I’m at it, I’m sorry I kept denying the kisses, too. I…” _Deep breath._ “I’m sorry for a lot, actually.”

“Buffy,” Spike tried again. “Don’t cut my head off, but are you all right?”

She opened her eyes again. “No. But,” she bit her lip. “I think if I can get to the end of this, I might be.”

He made a ‘go ahead’ gesture, and she nodded.

“So, this whole time, I’ve been shooting you down about how ‘you can’t love,’ and ‘you don’t really have feelings,’ and ‘blah-de blah-de blah,’ you know? But then last night happened, and I don’t know. My mind got a little...” She held her hands on either side of her temples, then pushed them outwards in a ‘mind-blown’ kind of way.

“You turned me upside down, and now I’m all confused and nothing makes any sense––not that it really made any sense before––but now I finally have to deal with it, because I _really_ want to do it again and–” _Wow, I really just said that out loud, didn’t I? It’s totally gonna happen again, and I want it, I do, but I have to get there first. It has to make sense!_ “And I can’t even think about that if it’s gonna turn my brain into this huge pile of jello where I can’t think at all and–”

Spike put his hands on her upper arms to steady her and Buffy blinked at him. She’d got so caught up in word salad, she hadn’t even noticed him cross the room.

“You want to do it again?” he questioned, eyebrow raised.

She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in her chest. “Please tell me that wasn’t the only part you heard.”

“Heard it,” said Spike. “Couldn’t make much sense of it, but…”

“I know,” said Buffy. “It’s a lot. That’s what I’m trying to say. I’m trying to _make_ it make sense. And I came to you because we’d become some kind of talking buddies, and it was nice. It helped, when nothing else really did, and then I worried that I’d lost that, with what happened and–”

Spike’s hands on her arms tightened. “Breathe, love.”

She closed her eyes again, savoring the comforting feeling of him grounding her. “Okay, so, I was mad this morning,” she began again.

“Might’a picked up on that part,” said Spike. “My jaw still hurts from where you clocked me.”

Buffy winced. “Sorry.”

“Bloody hell,” exclaimed Spike.

She opened her eyes to look at him. “What?”

“You, apologizing again. I entered some alternative universe I don’t know about?”

Buffy laughed. “Maybe. It certainly feels that way to me.”

Spike tried to get her to sit down again, and this time, for whatever reason, it seemed to work. “I don’t know if anything I’ve said so far has been remotely coherent, but it’s helped.”

“Glad to hear it,” said Spike. “So…?”

“So, I was mad this morning,” said Buffy, getting back on track. “But I wasn’t mad at you.”

He tilted his head again. “Is that so?”

“Uh-huh. It’s so very so.”

Spike chuckled. “You’ve got a way with words, pet.”

“You seem to understand me well enough.”

He shrugged. “Most of the time, yeah.”

“Hey!” said Buffy. “That’s actually a really good point!”

“Eh?” Spike blinked at her. “Didn’t follow you around that particular bend.”

“You!” said Buffy. “You always know what I’m thinking. Or how I’m feeling. And can usually put it into better words than I can. You tell me what I mean.”

Spike gaped at her and disappointment seeped into Buffy’s veins.

“You really have no idea where I’m going with all this, do you?”

“Well,” he hedged, “you said you wanted to end up back in bed. Maybe we could actually use a bed this time.”

“Spike!”

“All right!” He held up his hands again and went back into serious mode. “Give me a mo.”

Buffy watched as he pondered… something. She definitely didn’t have the brainpower to figure out where his mind was if she couldn’t wrangle her own.

“So,” said Spike finally. “We slept together, it changed things, and you woke up feeling freaked out and angry,” he summarized. There was the briefest tremble in his voice when he said ‘slept together’ and it made the whole thing flash in Buffy’s brain again––vivid Technicolor, wide-screen, surround sound. 

“Yes,” she said, a little dizzily, amazed afresh at how he’d just put into a single sentence what it had taken her several minutes to say. _This is exactly why he needs to be the talky one. He even tried to make a bunch of the same points earlier, but I wasn’t ready to hear it then. Why did I tell him to shut up again?_

“And now that you’re mad, you want to have sex again,” Spike went on.

_Oh, yeah, that’s why._ Buffy punched him in the arm. “Try again.”

He sighed, but did indeed carry on trying to read her mind and make it all simple. “Okay, so there’s some steps missing in between there, yeah?”

Buffy nodded.

“Right,” said Spike. “You were angry, but not at me. You were mad at… yourself?”

“Partially,” said Buffy. “And Giles. Well, all of the watchers, really, but him in particular, because he’s the one who told me all of their stuff––rules and theories and things––and he’s really smart, so he should have known better.”

Spike was staring at her again. “You woke up after shagging my brains out and got pissed at _Giles_?”

“Well, yeah.” Buffy hugged her knees to her chest. “Where do you think I got the whole, ‘vampires can’t love, or feel anything real’ thing from?”

Spike opened and closed his mouth like a fish a couple of times before asking, “You don’t think that anymore? You changed your mind? You–?”

“Wait,” said Buffy. “Still not quite at that part yet.”

He blew a slow breath out through his nose. “All right, so… what? You’re gonna have to help me out here.”

“I was mad at Giles and all his bullshit dogma,” said Buffy, finding the words flowing easier now. Spike may not be able to read her mind exactly, but he definitely knew her well enough to get her brain on the right track, somehow. “The problem I had with the kisses, and even you in general, since you told me you––” She swallowed. “How you felt. I thought, maybe not on purpose, but I thought it was a lie. Impossible. And I had been mad at you, because even though you kept trying to kill me, I hadn’t thought you’d ever lied to me.”

“I’m many things,” said Spike. “A liar ain’t one of them.”

“Well, that’s because you’re so bad at it,” said Buffy, holding up a hand again when he went to protest. “So not the point.”

Spike narrowed his eyes a little. “Go on, then.”

“Right, uh… Where was I?”

“Dogma,” said Spike.

“Dogma!” repeated Buffy. “Yes. Hate that stuff.”

“Good movie, though,” said Spike.

“Again, not the point.”

Spike sighed. “We approaching it anytime soon?”

“You’re just impatient to have sex again,” said Buffy.

“Can you blame me?”

“Well, no.” She blushed, then snapped her fingers. “Yes, that was it. Blame! I was mad at Giles, but I blamed Angel, too.”

Spike leaned away slightly. “Howsat?”

“And Riley!” exclaimed Buffy.

“Have you gone completely sack of hammers?”

Buffy stood up again, suddenly reinvigorated in her need to pace and rant. “I was with both of them for years. Years!” she exclaimed. “Okay, I only slept with Angel once, so maybe it’s less his fault, but I slept with Riley lots of times, and at no point during all that did either of them tell me it could actually be fun!”

Spike made a choking noise. “ _Fun?_ ”

“Yeah, fun. Enjoyable. Amazing. How many more adjectives do you want?”

“Buffy–”

“I mean seriously,” she went on, “I have one set of guys telling me you can’t feel things, which I believed, because I’m an idiot. And then these other guys who I shared my life and my body with, who I feel betrayed by, because both of them were supposed to love me, but none of what we did was like what we did at all!”

Buffy ran out of steam and stared at Spike, who was staring back at her.

“Are you saying–?”

“I’m saying,” said Buffy. “Last night meant something to me. Maybe everything. It…” She paused and lowered her voice. “It was everything I’d always hoped to have with Angel, and then thought was just some fairytale that didn’t actually happen in real life. But you made me feel so good, physically–– _so_ good, Spike. Beyond fairytale, but also very, very real. I’m talking tingling limbs, breathtaking kisses, and all the good aches in all the right places––but then it was more than that, too, because I could feel your love in it. Of course I got mad, because it threw out my entire worldview. It’s like… like an epiphany or something.”

“A bloody revelation!” said Spike. He still had his human eyes, but they were wide, like a cat’s in hunting mode, and Buffy could tell she’d turned him on with her recap. Hell, she’d made herself wet again. 

She blushed. “Yeah, that.”

“You really felt it?” He wasn’t talking about their mutual lust just then, she could tell. 

“I did.” 

His eyes shifted to that awed look he had that always made her heart skip a little, then reached for her hand. “So…”

“So,” agreed Buffy, as she realised she’d finally gotten everything out that had been swirling around in her head, and now her brain was quiet. Relieved. 

_Happy._

Buffy leaned in and kissed Spike, all of the tension leaving her back and shoulders as he breathed her in. 

“Now?” he asked. 

Buffy laughed, feeling a little lightheaded from the kiss. “Yes, Spike, now’s the part where we feel it all again. Except minus the angry confusion at the end.” 

He beamed at her, leaning in for another kiss, and another one, and another. Buffy let all the kisses take her over, getting so blissfully and wholeheartedly lost she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be found. And yet she did feel found at the same time. Completely seen, and accepted. She knew it was a contradiction, but it was different from before. 

This, she could most definitely live with. 

“Though later,” she told Spike, as he led her down into the lower part of the crypt, “we’re having a serious discussion about your chip and boundaries.”

Spike grinned, the cat who got the cream. “Whatever you want, love.”


End file.
